Busy Without A Cause: Why Lists Bring Decision Paralysis And How To Get Moving Again
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"What does success look like?" we ask to help avoid failure. And the answer may be easy mid-task. "When this is finished!". But then what?
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DB’s Coaching, Counselling & Cognitive Hypnotherapy Blog for Leighton Buzzard & Milton Keynes
Here's where I post what I write. Some may be useful. Some even entertaining. And if we're lucky, it's both.
Soap Box Stress: How Your Rules Create The Very Problems You're Trying To Avoid
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Often find yourself on edge? Like a ready-to-boil-over pan, or Jenga pile nervously awaiting the next nudge?
I used to get stressed a lot. So much hacked me off. Slow drivers. Program crashes. Blown light-bulbs. Instruction manuals that didn't make sense just by staring at them blankly for four seconds…
Read MoreKilling The Urge: What Drives The Urge To Self-Terminate (And How To Combat It)
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Suicide. It's not something we like to talk about.
Keith Flint of Prodigy. Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. Chris Cornell of Audioslave and Soundgarden. And, of course, the beloved Robin Williams. All tragic losses…
Read MoreRat Race Refocus: How Changing Your Focus Can Reduce Depression Risk By 48%
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Planning on heading out over the next week or so?
Something I often did to combat fear of failure was focus too much on the have-to's, musts, and shoulds. I was always chasing my to-do list. Which often led to disconnection. And then on to depression…
Read MoreElephant Spotting: When Being Honest Gets You Further Than Being Nice
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"Thank you. You really frustrate me at times but ultimately help me". That's a text I got from client a little while ago after a session.
Now, a couple of years ago, that would've hurt on some level. I may have laughed it off. But it would've stung. I used to have an overwhelming need to be liked. And I know we all like to be liked. Who doesn't?
Read MoreThe Boss Illusion: Why Anxiety Itself Isn't The Real Problem
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A lot gets posted about anxiety these days. And it's great we're talking about it. But some of it just doesn't sit right with me.
We love to personify things… And if it helps create connection and understanding then I'm all for it.
But what about when it doesn't?
Read MoreDepression: An Open Letter To Those Who Struggle To Support You Through Your Darkest Days
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If you've felt depression's emptiness, this isn't for you. If you know what it's like to believe things never get better, despite past contradiction, this isn't for you.
This is for those of you who get frustrated when we can't tell you what's wrong. When we're inexplicably miserable, without cause that withstands logic or reason.
This is for those of you who…
Read MoreGiving Up On Giving Up: Is Abstinence Really The Answer To Addiction?
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I started drinking again recently. After struggling to stay quit for years, I finally stopped for almost five. Then I started again last year.
Why? I don't believe abstinence is always the answer.
Read MoreThe Last Next Time: Bittersweet Lessons From Grief
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I lost a friend five years ago this week. And I still think about him a lot.
Yet, memories that used to bring happiness and laughter - sometimes those same ones bring sadness now too. And maybe that seems obvious. But it wasn't always that way.
Read MoreProjecting Shapes: What Dancing Taught Me About Judgement And Compassion
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I went dancing recently. I love dancing. Though I most definitely didn't always.
My mum always used to talk about dancing when I was younger. Saying it was one of her favourite things. How she could just get lost in it. Go somewhere else. She'd always be first throwing shapes on the dance-floor.
For a long time, this was something I never really understood. The idea of stepping onto a dance-floor - let alone an empty one - filled me with terror.
Read MoreKeep On Scrolling: What Really Keeps You Glued To Your Phone?
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Smartphone addiction is a real thing, recent research suggests. But have we really got the full picture?
Recently, I watched the video of Simon Sinek talking about 'Millennials in the Workplace'. And if you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend you watch it.
He talks about the how and why Millenials got the deal they did. I found it insightful. A lot rings true. But not all.
Read MoreStressing About Stress: Learning To Be Truly Vulnerable (Instead Of Lying To Ourselves)
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Today I presented a workshop about stress to a business I'm working with. It went well. I had fun. But it wasn't all easy.
Read MoreDare To Share: Defeating The Almighty Shoulds
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I've always spent time on my own.
Probably too much at times.
Some is needed.
But too much disconnection is rarely good.
We need to interact as human beings.
To feel connected and..significant, in a way. Like we matter to each other.
Cute To Kill: The Real Reason You Can't Stand Your Partner At Times (And What You Can Do About It)
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"I just LOVE IT when they do that!" you once said about that now-really-annoying thing your partner does. Probably around the honeymoon period.
So what changed?
Read MoreWhat's Your Type? 4 Brand New Personality Types And What It Means For You
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We all love a personality test, don't we? "Tell me who I am!" your inner voice screams. The need to understand ourselves - and what it means - seems so ingrained.
Exciting new research shows how the already-known 'Big 5' personality traits are commonly expressed together. Based on the interplay of questionnaire answers, the study categorises people into four new personality types.
Read MoreInhalation bias: the real reason you can't give up smoking (and what you can do about it)
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Do you enjoy smoking? Or still trying to quit?
I smoked a lot in my late-teens. I told everyone I loved it. I believed it. But it wasn't true.
A few years on, it was normal for my friends to ask, "are you smoking at the moment?". It was a running joke. Because I'd quit cold-turkey for a few weeks, then quickly be back chain-smoking in the pub garden. Like a human yo-yo.
But why?
Read MoreBedtime stories: how what you believe can make it hard to sleep better
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Do you struggle with sleep? Too little or too much, maybe always feeling somewhat tired?
I used to chronically procrastinate sleep. Eventually I discovered a belief "going to bed early = less time to do stuff = not good enough". And I've found this kind of miscalculation quite common.
Read MoreAre you even motivated, bro? How fear of failure can have your exercise turn from healthy to self-destructive
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Do you ever feel like what you're doing just isn't enough?
Exercise is good for you. Everyone knows. Turns out, you can over-do it though.
Read MoreFear is a trick of the light: overcoming my fear of jumping out of a plane
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Have you ever believed you couldn't do something even though others can?
I jumped out of a plane recently.
I knew I'd be strapped to an experienced instructor. That they'd have a parachute. I knew, consciously, I'd be safe. And that it'd likely be an amazing experience.
I was still fucking terrified.
Read MoreKeep showing up: getting out of a rut when you're not getting anywhere
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Do you ever just feel like you're not getting anywhere? Like you make plans, but then they just don't happen?
I've had two weeks of that.
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