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A conversation I've had numerous times with various people is, "don’t you think telling kids Santa exists is lying to them?". And it can quickly turn to justification.

"It's not lying", they say. And then begin to explain how it's something different.

Now, I don't have kids. But as a therapist, I've spoken to many adults who remember believing in Father Christmas. In making a point about beliefs and insight, I'd often ask "do you remember when you found out Santa wasn't real?". And it's surprising just how many people responded with the horrors of a mild flashback.

I'm usually told, "well, you wouldn't understand”, “you'd get it if you had kids". Which tends to shut the conversation down. And maybe there's some truth in my lack of experience - but I'm not entirely convinced.

I grew up in a family where truth was often avoided, or white lies were told instead. So maybe I'm more sensitive to this kind of dynamic. Nevertheless, I take issue with the 'white lie'. The definition being 'a lie that's harmless, usually told to avoid hurting someone's feelings'.

Now, aside the argument about whether lie can ever be 'harmless', in actuality, what's being avoided is usually the teller's own uncomfortable feelings. And I'd argue the same mechanism is at play here - but rather than avoiding discomfort, it's about creating enjoyment. But the question is: who benefits?

Do we lie to the kids about Santa for their enjoyment? Or for ours?

Because, to me, what starts as a bit of fun, can actually end up with an unintended message. One that says 'lying is ok'. And some might argue it can be. Explaining to a 5 year-old the precise mechanism for conception and childbirth probably isn't advised. But I'd argue there's a more-than-subtle difference between "you grew in mummy's tummy" - a simplification of truth - versus the outright falsity of "the stork brought you".

Now, I'm not suggesting we call for a witch-hunt of all Santa-believers, nor arrange a December-time demonstration at the school gates, screaming "for Rudolf’s sake, he isn’t real!". But there must be a way of enjoying the magic of Christmas without the misalignment of dishonesty. To allow the kids to enjoy Christmas with them being 'in' on the magic, rather than the spectacle of it. And hence avoid the eventual risk of heartbreak and betrayal.

Call me a Grinch if you will. But to me, magic and honesty can co-exist. Any science-minded, rational person who's looked out atop a mountain or seen a picturesque sunset landscape without attributing it to divine intervention will likely attest to that.

If we want honesty from others, I think it's only right - and common sense - we model it ourselves.

Where do you justify untruths and white lies in the name of comfort or harmless fun?

Looking to untangle honesty, trust, and responsibility and improve your relationships? I offer counselling and hypnotherapy in Leighton Buzzard. Get in touch.