I've always spent time on my own.
Probably too much at times.
Some is needed.
But too much disconnection is rarely good.
We need to interact as human beings.
To feel connected and..significant, in a way. Like we matter to each other.
To share the shit we're afraid is true, and only true for ourselves.
So we can be assured it isn't. Or at least that others feel the same.
We're all in it together.
I regularly remind those who sit in front of me of that. And it reminds me too.
But on days like this, I begin to forget.
The shoulds begin to pile up. And it feels like falling behind.
Because I should know better.
Because I can see more is possible.
And yet, that understanding. Those shoulds. They're only more demotivating.
The same contradictory thinking is so obvious to everyone else when giving your evidence aloud.
But on your own, there's no-one to reflect the bullshit back.
And so it goes easier under the radar.
The brain plays its smoke and mirrors.
And it's easier to believe the oxymoronic sound-bites that leave you feeling defeated.
But by its nature, a contradiction can't be true. Not in isolation.
Either one side is true and the other isn't.
Or both are true, but information is missing.
This kind of paradox only exists when you don't have the whole picture.
And it's why sharing is important.
To reach out.
Everyone has tough days. Even the most seemingly-got-it-together people.
And as a therapist, I find it hard to admit when I do.
Because part of me feels I should know better.
Be able to do better.
And if I don't, how do I help others?
But it's only part of me.
And maybe that's the thing to remember.
Maybe it's about accepting ourselves enough to apply the same rules - and exceptions - we do to everyone else.
No-one has it all figured out. No-one I've met yet, anyway.
Even if I thought they did.
But together we must know more than we do alone.
So here's to reaching out.
To daring to share.
Asking for a little help when it's needed.
And beginning to break the illusion that some people can get to places others of us can't.
Because it just isn't true.
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