Facing challenges makes you grow. But when is real growth backing out?

I had a social work client once upon a time. I turned up and he was angry. "They're screwing me over" he kept saying.

I asked some clarifying questions. And he got more angry, gradually becoming more animated. This is where I should've backed down and changed tack. But I didn't.

The night before, everything had gone wrong. Just standard, mundane adulting nonsense. But enough emotional activation and unresolved open still-to-do's that left me under-slept, under-resourced, and running only at about 50%.

So I didn't back down. Instead? I stayed in the conversation. Adamant I'd get to the truth and solve the problem. I kept going until he was about to explode - until I absolutely had to walk away.

I learnt a couple of useful things that day. One was just how much presence and patience I normally required for that particular client. The second was: I definitely cannot access that presence and patience with only half a tank.

Until then, I'd been under the illusion it was me who could handle this client. But it wasn't me. It was how I showed up and applied myself. I'd assumed I could access those skills at any time, in any state. I was wrong.

The smart thing? Would've been to bow out. I should've cancelled and rearranged. I should've recognised that client needed more than I could offer that particular day. Short-term let-down for long-term gain. Clearly much clearer with hindsight.

The experience was still useful though. I found I could hold anger and aggression, meet it assertively, and calmly walk away when it got too much. But more importantly I saw that, on days I have clients like that, I need to check my capacity. Because what's possible at 80-100% just may not be available at 50.

It'd be pretty stupid to assume I could go for a pleasant evening walk in the depths of winter wearing my summer-ready t-shirt and shorts, just because I know the route. If the conditions change, we have to change. If not, the environment lets us know pretty quickly we're not properly dressed for the occasion.

Next time, let's hope my dress sense is somewhat more situationally sensible.

When do you keep charging forward when you should be pulling back?

Looking to get a handle on your emotions and increase your resilience? I offer counselling and hypnotherapy in Leighton Buzzard. Get in touch.