Striving for good enough, I thought I had to be unfazed by everything life threw at me. Little did I realise that was the set-for-failure expectation of the perfectionist in me.
It made sense though. Recalling the persistent daisy that squeezes through the crack in the tarmac. 'Life finds a way'. Yet find a nearby meadow and you'll see thousands. Flourishing bigger and bolder than the lone, stubborn, urban hero.
I can be stubborn. And used to be more so. But largely through fear of change. Or rejection. Or the not-good-enough belief "I should be able to". I became great at keeping myself in less-than-healthy environments. And made some regrettable decisions as a result.
Jim Rohn famously pointed out we're the average of the five people we spend most time with. It's why many greats advocate getting a mentor. If you want to get good at something, spend time with someone who already is.
But not everyone wants to see us succeed.
Nature strives for balance. Harmony. Equal pushes for pulls. Like the metronome arm that swings back and forth. And any social organisation is the same. Be it two or two hundred people. There's a need for equilibrium.
Some people are genuinely happy when we change. But some aren't. And not out of spite. But because it brings discomfort. Uncertainty. "Things aren't how I thought". Or it holds up a mirror. "Why aren't I changing then?". It's not about you. It's about restoring the old, comfortable balance.
I had a lot of stick quitting drinking. It took a while to become the new norm. Where my choice was defended. Though some still couldn't let go. "You were more fun when you drank". I understood it. Didn't mean it hurt any less.
Sometimes an honest conversation is enough. To create awareness. Reset the scales. But at some point we need to ask whether we'll grow taller re-rooting somewhere more fertile.
Tip things in your favour.
Spend time with those who both support and challenge you. The ones who want you to succeed. You'll know things are right when you're being pulled up more often than knocked back down.
(Struggling to feel good enough, rebalance yourself, or grow to your full potential? Cognitive Hypnotherapy in Leighton Buzzard can help you. Get in touch to learn how).